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There had been a lot of noise, so much so that Matilda thought she might permanently require some very thick earmuffs just to block it all out and go about her business. She’d never thought such a ruckus could be kicked up when Mr Dahl had been dead for some years.
Matilda was quite confused how there was a Roald Dahl Story Company when Mr Dahl was dead but there was, and they’d said the changes weren’t unusual and were only small and were “carefully considered.”
Matilda didn’t think they were usual, or small, or very terribly well considered at all.
The biggest changes had happened in the chocolate factory. Charlie was still there but Matilda noticed that nobody called the Oompa-Loompas “small men” anymore. Everyone called them “small people.” Anybody can be “people,” she thought. Only men could be men. Nobody said Augustus Gloop was “enormously fat.” Mr Dahl had only ever been the one brave enough to say it to Gloop’s face. Now everyone said he was just “enormous.” Well, Matilda thought, the library’s enormous, and an elephant’s enormous, and there are enormous clouds. You could be enormous in so many ways. This great gobbling glutton of a boy was enormous because he was fat, and he could only be fat. He couldn’t be plump. That’s what you called kindly old ladies who weighed a good deal. With the amount he eats and the way he eats he could only be fat. It’s who he is.
Matilda tried to leave the chocolate factory but all the nicely specific directions on the signs had been rubbed away and now the directions were just vague and useless, and they told her nothing.
It was very bad at the chocolate factory but even worse at Matilda’s school. What was extra horrible about it was Matilda never thought she’d be sorry for Ms Trunchbull. Ms Trunchbull used to have “a great horsey face.” There used to be a horse’s head strapped onto those shoulders and it was bloated like a balloon. It was ghastly but it was a lot more interesting than just “a face.” Just “a face” was all she had now. Everyone has a face, Matilda thought, there’s nothing special about that. What’s special and funny and scary is what kind of face someone has. Just “a face” is as boring as fresh cement.
Matilda asks: Why have you done this to them?
To ensure they can “continued to be enjoyed by all today”?
Enjoyed? Look what you’ve done to them! You’ve sucked away all their colours and bleached them white.
Leave them alone. You care more about “inclusion and accessibility in children’s education” than you care about them. For “inclusion and accessibility in children’s education,” whatever that is, you’d dress us all in grey and bend us all straight to wring out all our twists and curls.
“Get away,” Matilda screamed. “Get away.”
William Barker-Writer and Philosopher 